Lord, I come angry...
When headlines rage and hearts break
Lord, I confess I come angry this day.
I see the state of the world, and I am tempted to despair.
I see the state of the church, and I am tempted to disillusionment.
I see the state of my own heart, and I am tempted by the dangers that lie in wait within me.
As much as I might hope this feeling is a righteous anger directed at injustice, I know in reality my spirit churns with frustrations, longings, irritations, passions, and griefs.
O, Lord, be near me now.
There is so much today and every day.
Too much to bear alone. Too many in need of help. Too great a change to make within.
Lord, I am angered by sickness in the world and in my own family. I am angered that death and hurt and grief all hold such sway in this life. I am angered that so many I love are struggling and near to drowning in depression, addiction, and anxiety.
I am angered by my inability to express my own anger to others.
I am angered by the violence.
I am angered by the apathy.
I am angered that in a world of so much, so many have so little.
I am angered by the brute meanness still embraced by many people I thought would eventually come to see what some of us have always seen so clearly.
I am angry that I cannot see how any of this will be redeemed.
But I know too that I am angered when the restaurant app freezes up, the car battery dies, and my insurance card lapses. I am angered by the small inconveniences, routine maintenances, and recurring fees of life. I am angry at myself when I realize such issues are minor compared to what so many face each day. I grow angry at those who are critical of others, and then I become angry with myself for being angry at them.
I am angry that no one else seems angry.
And, so I confess this roiling spirit within my heart this day.
I pray that as Your grace has abounded to me that my soul might abound with grace and compassion toward others.
I pray that You will purify my passions for good. I pray that You will redeem these energies toward blessing rather than cursing.
I ask that these cares be lifted, and that I might be a help in lifting others’ burdens.
Let me not become a bitter person who holds on to anger toward those made in Your image.
Grant that I might more clearly see the people in my life who are hurting and come to see every person as fully, beautifully human.
May my longings be focused and faithful. May these intensities be directed toward edifying ends. I ask that the caustic thoughts of my heart be forgiven and the words of my mouth be blameless.
Strengthen me not to waste this intensity, but to welcome Your Spirit to refine and redeem it.
Let all I think, say, and do be not to destroy but to build. Lift me above the noise of my own spinning mind that I might perceive the good work You have for me in this season.
Grant me the strength needed to flip tables, but not without a stronger desire to first wash feet.
Let my heart be broken with the things that grieve Your heart, and let my hands be ready and willing to serve wherever I find myself.
Lord, cleanse, enliven, and bless my life.
Help me let go of any lingering hostility that clouds my spirit, and strengthen me to embrace and extend Your compassion, goodness, and grace in each encounter of my day.
In the name of the One who knows the inner workings of every heart, amen.
I've also been angry. I'm angry at ICE. I'm angry at the world that made me lose two loved ones in the span of a year to their own hands. I'm angry at my own incompetence.
I'd be lying if I told you that any of this turmoil was bringing me any closer to believing in God.
Frankly the world seems to grow more and more random and violent and broken and it seems naive to believe that there is a greater meaning to all of this and that there is somone or something looking after us.
I'm not trying to come at this as a spiteful atheist trying to convert. That's a pointless endeavor and I both understand and respect why many such as yourself turn to religion as a guide.
I know my anger is unproductive.
I know I'm not accomplishing anything in resorting to Nihilism.
I know there have been times where I have contributed to the sickness of the world.
And yet, I persist. I still try to be decent. I still try to show that I care about those around me, even though I can be selfish in who I choose.
I keep trying to make something in my meandering.
I've given up on a lot of things, the one thing I'm trying to maintain is my humanity.
This is really good, Will. My struggle is similar and I have had many of the same thoughts. Thanks for putting a practical prayer into words.